Flickering black to white, I dwell in a widdendream of stark opportunity. Lost in a sea supreme of suppositions I never quite fulfill; I walk a razor's edge in this surreality, leaving bloody footprints in my wake.

This winding dream slices through my vernacular leaving my tongue bleeding. A widening dreamscape painted for posterity;
showcasing a syntax of sharpened widdendreams.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Pagan Meme Questions

I recently participated in this swap for a group I'm in on Swap-bot.com and thought I'd share my answers here.

* Do you have a magical/Pagan name? * How did you find Paganism? * How long have you been practicing? * Are you out of the broom closet? * Solitary or group practitioner? * What is your path?

I do not have a magical name - yet. I found out through books, study, and a few friends but mostly through my own interests and doing the research via books, library, internet. I've had my way of thinking about religious interests changed for about a decade now, I would say I am halfway out of the broom closet. My family knows I have varying beliefs from them, my parents are supportive, but folks from my past are not aware. I am solitary, and I study the path of the druid. I feel I am still very very new, and still figuring out what I believe and what I don't believe because I was filled with so many lies through my life.

 * What’s your brand of deism? * Who is your patron God? * Who is your patron Goddess? * What Gods do you worship? * Do you fear darkly aspected Gods/Goddesses, or rather respect them? * Do you worship the Christian God? * Do you worship animals? Or plants?

At one time I was a monotheistic druid, and I still feel like I follow that path except I do not believe in the christian god as christians do. I believe there is a force, a powerful force that we call "god" that did put things into motion, but the god isn't like what people think where every single thing you do is being watched and weighed. It was put into motion, but not a personal relationship available with the "god". As for other deities, I believe that gods and goddesses worship extended from us trying to understand how the world and nature worked. I believe that our gods and goddesses and spirits are aspects of the greater power, that assist us in understanding and finding peace with the world. I love all the various religion's main female "mother goddess" deity. Especially those that are represented as fertility goddesses with the large hips and breasts. I do not have a patron god or goddess at this time but it is something I am working on, and progressing wtih. I respect both dark and light aspected deities. I do not worship animals or plants, but I do see them as vessels of spirit.

* Do you regularly commune with nature? * Taken a camping trip just to talk to nature? * Describe the moment you felt closest to Mother Earth? * Do you have a familiar? * Have you ever called upon the powers of an animal in ritual? * Or a plant? * Do you hug trees? * Give them gifts? * What are your favourite plants to work with? * What are your favourite trees to work with?

Yes I regularly commune with nature. I have not camped due to my disability but I regularly go on walks in the forest, travel to waterfalls or lakes or the ocean, or the salt marsh, or botanical gardens and this is where I feel closest to the spirit of "god". One moment I felt very close to Mother Earth was at a waterfall. I was able to go to the edge, and I could hear the power of the water, and I was very high up and it not only frightened me but exalted me, and brought me great joy. Nature is powerful, even in the babbling of a brook, or the crack of thunder, or a simple rainshower, or the crinkling of autumn leaves in the wind. I do not have a familiar but I have a wonderful cat called Ember that I feel very protected by.  I have called on various animals during rituals, depending on the ritual. I have hugged trees, I have only given them the gift of my respect and prayers. My favorite plants are flowers. My favorite trees are oaks. The best tree I ever visited is the Angel Oak on the coast of SC. It is an amazing, elderly oak tree that touched me when I went to see her.

W H E E L  O F   T H E  Y E A R 
* What is your favourite holiday? . * What is your least favourite holiday? * Have you ever held a ritual on a holiday? * Ever taken a day off work to celebrate a Pagan holiday? * Do you celebrate Yule on the 21st rather than the 25th? * Have you ever felt the veil thin? * Ever danced the Maypole? * How do you usually celebrate the Pagan holidays?

Samhain, or Winter Solstice are my favorite holidays. Least favorite... I guess I would not say I don't like it but anything around the Easter season isn't really something that speaks to me as super important. I have held rituals on holidays, mostly Winter Solstice. I have never taken a day off work but haven't worked in a while. I celebrate Yule on the 21st, but also celebrate with my family on the 25th who still do christmas trees and the like. I have definitely felt the veil thin, on many occasions. I am sensitive to that and sometimes it frightens me and that is one reason my cat Ember gives me peace about some things. I have danced the maypole a few times, once when I was a child.  Well my celebrations are different for various holidays as I'm sure everyone's are, but as far as Winter Solstice goes, it always involves feeding the birds. We pull our bird feeders before that, so that the birds who will fly south will not feel there is food for them here, and then on Winter solstice we put out food again for those that did not go south. I normally write a poem every year about the longest night of the year, and what solstice means to me and I read it out loud either by myself or with my mother as she while she isn't pagan by any means, does find interest in the things I do. In fact she's asked me to cleanse a plot of land they just bought for her, so she is open.

 * Do you use Tarot? * Do you use runes? * Do you use a pendulum? * Do you use dowsing rods? * Do you use astrology? * Any other forms of divination?

I love tarot, and some have said I have a knack for it, but my husband is Christian and that is one thing he refuses to let me have a full deck in the house, it's just something he's been told is "evil" and he feels uncomfortable with it so we compromise and I collect a few cards here and there (mostly of the card Temperance) but not a whole set and I do not read tarot cards anymore. I love how runes look but do not know how to read them, but I have practiced and studied making bind runes. No, I've never used a pendulum or dowsing rods and I'm not huge into astrology. As for divination for myself I have very strange dreams and have dreamed of the future many times and so that is kind of a type of divination I suppose. I have dreamed of entire scenarios even as a child that have taken place in later years. I also have a knack (as does my mother) of reading body language extremely well.

* What was the first spell you did? * What was the latest? * Ever done a love spell? * A job spell? * A healing spell? * What was the most powerful spell you’ve ever performed? * What deities do you usually call on?

First spell was a cleansing spell for my house as I felt unsafe. The latest was a spell to help my health. I've never done a love spell, I've done bind runes for jobs. Spells aren't really a huge focus on my druidism. It's more on the lines of finding peace and purpose and listening to what nature has to teach me, more than actual wiccan type spells. But I have done some healing spells, and written bindrunes and made "witch bottles" for healing and protection. The most powerful spell was the protection spell. I usually call upon the spirits of nature, not any one particular deity at this time.

* Do you believe in vampires? * Werewolves? * Shapeshifters? * Elves? * Fairies? * Dragons? * Nymphs? * Sprites? * Mermaids? * Satyrs? *Ever “seen” any of the above? * Ever used any of the above in magic? * Do you have one of them as a personal guardian?

No, no vampires. No werewolves. Shapeshifting only in the form of mysticism where one actually has a "dream" of shifting and an animal or animals guide you. But not actual physical shifting. Elves, no, but I adore fantasy elves. Fairies... perhaps. Dragons, yes, I believe dragons once existed. perhaps not as fantasy would have us think of them but something akin to dragons. Nymphs... maybe. Sprites... same as fairies, maybe. Mermaids? No. Satyrs? No. No I've never seen any of those, and no, no personal guardian of them.

* Do you see a rabbit, a man or a woman in the moon? * Own a cat? * When you meditate, what does your happy place look like? * Do you work with chakras? * Do you believe in past lives? * If so, describe a few briefly: * Do you believe in soul mates? * Do you have a spirit guide? * Is it always love and light?

I see a rabbit in the moon. Yes I own a beautiful sleek black cat named Ember. My meditation happy place is in a forest, beside a large creek, the water babbling over the rocks and the sound of nature around me and the warmth of the sun on my face. I've begun to study chakras, and have done some with gemstones on chakra points to assist with healing. I do believe in past lives, and I have dreams and visions of things that had to be in past lives but I have yet to determine exactly what any past lives I may have lived were. Perhaps Egyptian as I have a very extreme draw to that culture. I believe in soul mates but not like most do. I believe that when you find someone you mesh with, friend or lover, that they are your soul mate for that period of time but it can fade and you can find another at a different time that is perfect for that time of your life. No, it is not always love and light, not at all. I have so much darkness and I fight it every day... and some days I do not fight it and let it thrive. I do not have a spirit guide.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

30 Blog Challenge: Blog #1

Me on the Great Smoky Mountain Railroad on Oct 12, 2013

Here's ten facts you may or may not know about me: 

1. I've been inside the middle pyramid on the Giza Plateau. It was very claustrophobic and there was really nothing to see but a big room once I got in the middle but it was still an awesome experience.

2. I once climbed under a fence in Cyprus just to have my picture taken with a rock. Well in other terms, the rock was a pillar that St. Paul supposedly was tied to and whipped while on his visit to Cyprus as is written about in the New Testament.

3. I was once detained as a terrorist by the Israeli's. I was trying to get on a cruise ship in Cyprus and had a borrowed suitcase as well as was traveling alone. They said I looked like a terrorist. They questioned me for a long time, searched me, tore my suitcase apart and the beeper still kept beeping. It turned out it was the gold page of my wordless book in my suitcase that kept setting it off. by the time I got into the ship, I was disheveled and in tears. They took a photo of me as I entered and I wish to this day I'd bought it to go with the story, but at the time I was too upset to get it.

4. While in Bethlehem, a man followed me onto the tour bus begging me to marry him. The bus driver had to make him get off. That was a weird experience, they wanted a ticket to America I suppose.

5. I parasailed in the Mediterranean Sea.

6. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, though I have gone through counseling and especially DBT (dialectical behaviour training) which has helped me a lot. One of the main things about BPD is feeling empty, worthless. I still struggle with this.

7. I have gotten 3 of my photos chosen to appear on Jones Soda bottle labels. They were "Boxy Boys" which is a picture of my boys in a box. A picture of a dulcimer being played. And a picture of the castle in Germany that we explored.

8. I once ate a pickled walnut whole, shell and all. I was visiting a family in Cyprus that only spoke Greek and they handed me this black thing on a fork with a glass of water and I just ate it to not be rude. It was only later when I got back to my home that I was told I'd eaten a whole walnut.

9. I have been in the Cairo Museum in Egypt where all of King Tut's belongings are kept. I have pictures of tons of his stuff, all covered in gold. I had to pay a couple dollars to take pictures, and I was searched twice while in the museum. It was not air conditioned. It was an amazing place.

10. I hate smoking. Absolutely abhor it. It makes me sick, migraines and such and I can't even go see bands most of the time because of the smoke in the clubs. I support no smoking in public places! It's the best thing ever! I have had my grandmother die of lung cancer from smoking. I saw her on oxygen and it broke my heart. I just don't understand it's thrill. It stinks, makes YOU stink, makes your teeth yellow and gives you wrinkles. So what if you're skinny? You look 10+ years older than you are.